Love and Relationships

Love and Relationships

With my dear Sister-in-law who always expresses her love for me. 

Unconditional Love of My Mother

My son says love is a much hyped concept. We most of the normal human beings keep using the word a lot - "love u" , "with love" , "lots and lots of love" , "she is so lovable" etc etc..
So I am thinking what does the word mean to me ?

1) Love is Empowering 

when u love someone or some one loves you or if you are really lucky it is mutual , it makes the person loved a little more confident in their abilities, more trusted and more capable by merely the fact that someone loves them . When one loves oneself unconditionally as one matures then one feels empowered within and the external love is not a mandatory factor to feel empowered.

2) Love is happiness 

When somebody expresses love in words, actions or by just being , it brings a sense of joy, peace, happiness. Loving and accepting oneself and all other human beings can bring eternal peace and happiness to mankind.

3)  Love is Security

When one feels loved it brings a sense of security - "All is well" . Children need to feel secure ALL the time and it is only love and acceptance that guarantees that.

4) Universal Love

At my age (officially senior citizen) I feel the entire universe looks out for me. It is like some body is watching what is happening in my life , what I feel, what I need and working towards my well-being ALL-THE-TIME !!  I feel peace and secure within.

Relationships

We human beings created this concept and it is a very complex web that binds all human kind and sets us apart from all other living beings. It is the core of happy existence. One has to work constantly at maintaining and improving these ties that we created. It can enrich our life or ruin our peace. It is extremely individualistic how one human being manages his/her relationship with another human being but at the same time that relationship can effect several lives. It can be so simple full of love - thriving and cherishing and constructive or it can be complicated full of hatred - monstrous and destructive.

EGO is the number one enemy within for failure of human relationships. 

Mutual love and Respect 

is the binding force . I have thought about this a lot - respect for another human being comes from deep care for the feeling of that person. As human beings, this is a basic need like food, shelter and clothing - that people with whom we share some relationship care deeply for our feelings. If all our actions towards that person is based on how deeply we care for their feelings, and that person reciprocates the same care, then only the relationship can thrive and grow and be mutually satisfying. The absense of mutual love and respect is at the root cause of failures of relationships. when we do not care for feelings, then there is "Mutual hatred and disrespect" and that is the weed that destroys the beauty of any relationship. Often grown up children fail their parents by not caring for their feelings - they actually say things to hurt the feelings of the elderly. Relationships crumble and break. Mutual love means wanting that person to be a part of our life  - sharing and caring. When one human being sends out a message to the other human being "You are not important to me - I do not need or want you" then relationship swiftly makes an exit. This is the root cause of divorces between couples as each one constantly sends a message to the other "I do not need you any more in my life - I no longer care how you feel "

  

Caring for the feelings of another person, sharing and wanting a person to be a part of your life all these strengthens mutual love and respect and relationships.  

Love to all my fellow human beings

69th Independence Day - What Freedom we want?

15th Aug 2015

India celebrated independence day this year as we do every year - every state celebrates with its own mighty displays of police drills, politicians ( mostly wear pure white Indian-style clothes to show their patriotism) and bureaucrats giving patriotic speeches, watch in awe as our prime minister walks proudly to the top of Red Fort, New Delhi, accompanied by top army salutes and delivers passionate speech. All the PMs talk about what schemes their party rule has implemented or propose to implement for the upliftment of poor. One will hear Garib(i) many times generally. All speeches are intended to invoke patriotism.

As I am walking in my 65th year of existence , many things dawn on me. What does freedom mean to me? What do I want? for myself, for my country?

For me I want freedom from fear and expectations from others . I realise pains emanate from my unfounded fears  built over years since childhood and I wish to be totally free of them. When ever I expect some actions/words/things from others ( which is most of the time) and that does not happen, it causes pain - So I want freedom from these two root causes of pains for me.  This is just for this year 15th Aug. Every Independence day the type of freedom need changes

For my dear countrymen I want freedom from corruption , mediocrity and wasteful govt expenditures. Corruption is so rooted in our systems that if we rid of it we will emerge as the Greatest place to live on earth pushing Garibi out for good.

Mediocrity is the bane of all walks of life and if we can make excellence push out mediocrity from our very existence , India will emerge sparkling Swatch . Mediocrity manifests itself everywhere - from not following traffic rules to spitting and trashing in public, to bad roads full of pot holes, sub standard goods and services sold at premium prices, and thousand other manifestations. Corruption and mediocrity are two sides of the same coin.

We celebrate publicly Independence day, Republic day, death of political personalities and thousand other instances of massive public shows at huge public expenditure - if we can economise on these and instead spend the same money in building and funding schools, paying higher salaries to work forces, empowering police and defence personnel with better facilities - oh so many things need to be done to improve the basic quality of life.

OMG  - I need Freedom from too much thinking!!

Inner Vision

Aging and Growth

 As we age we become more and more aware of ourselves - we are able to observe ourselves as an outsider. I find there are two types of visions we can have on ourselves

1) External vision

We have constant interaction with other humans. Let me watch myself - How I interact with others? How their interaction affects me ? If I understand that we are all in the  process of co-existence together , giving and taking constantly , we are all actually one large family helping each other's existence - then my life is a beautiful journey . When we attach personal likes and dislikes, constantly defending self, judging others , then my life become stressful, unhappy - So I watch myself interacting with others and have to protect myself from all sorts of negativity. When I have this clarity, then I feel so grateful for all the services that I am constantly receiving from other humans that make my life so comfortable. It is actually a never ending stream of  services. We are all linked and bound together by this bond of life. I also want to be kind, loving, accepting and understanding to her - that is me . 

2)Internal Vision - Physical 

Turn the inner eye towards yourself - it is all about yourself - When I meditate , I close my eye and turn it inwards - visiting each and every part of my body - what a perfect wonder machine is this body - so many parts so snugly fitted, each part doing its own job yet all sorts of systems working in perfect harmony for one aim - Existence of life - never seizes to amaze me - this perfect co-ordination and the wonder of modern medicine and all the discoveries about each and every minute part of the body - How medical sciences have helped us understand our body, the relationships between so many parts , keep it in top condition, prolong life - So in deep meditation, I thank each and every cell, each and every part that have served me so sincerely for 64+ years . 

3)Internal Vision - Mental 

Another internal vision I have is the constant sweep on the thought processes - The brain is such  a fantastic control center - not only totally driving our internal physical co-ordination but also storing millions of thoughts over years - when u look inwards at yourself and watch your own thoughts , u realize so many of them are really stupid, worthless, resentful, negative, waste types. This constant inner sweep results in fleeting moments of deep thoughtless state - just awareness - feel absolutely blissful. It can happen when I sit in deep meditation and sometimes thro' the day just like that . Life feels so good  

Living = "Gratitude + Awareness"

     

Absolute Truth

Absolute Truth does not exist

In Physics we learnt that absolute motion does not exist and all perceived motion is in relation to the observer. Like 2 co-passengers in a train would see each other as stationary while a person standing outside the train would see both zipping by. 

Truth and the Thinker

How big is the mango? 

It has been dawning on me that the same logic applies to Truth - we feel so many things are truthful and many things are not. It depends on the person - the justification of any act is based on the truthfulness of the belief that person has. The same act or belief or principle or sayings - how truthful they are - is relative to the thinker. 

Like see Indian economy - many believe it is doing well, looking up, lot of hope etc. That is the truth for them. But I hear many others do not agree with that - for them economy is going down, inflation is up, There is no hope - this is the truth for them.

Like when I say it is a beautiful day, lovely weather and my neighbour says "The weather is really bad these days"

Recently there was this road accident where the actress Hema Malini's Benz had a collision with a Maruti car and a 2 year old toddler sitting in her mother's lap in the front of the Maruti was thrown out due to the impact and died due to want of timely medical help. This incident is seen in two lights -
Hema Malini tweeted that the father is responsible for the death of the child - Her truth

The father blamed Hema Malini for not offering timely help to the child for top-class medical treatment which she herself availed and so she is responsible - his truthful version. 

Anyway my heart bleeds for that mother who lost her child in her arms - my version of truth

The entire mankind has all sorts of truths from different angles - If we understand that and become more respectful and tolerant to each other's truth, we can have a more peaceful co-existence.

Truth is relative to the thinker 

OMG - that is the truth I believe in .   

My Fifth US Visit

Sept 11 2014

Yes, I travelled on this date from Pune to San Francisco on a Lufthansa Flight  via Frankfurt. I missed the opportunity of visiting the new swanky terminal at Mumbai airport - but the choice to take off from Pune did pay off - simple and quick airport movements , less crowd , smaller craft, peaceful travel. The United Airways journey from Frankfurt to San Francisco is best to be avoided in future. 

Fall Colors, Palo Alto

Palo Alto 

I stayed for four and half months at Palo Alto , at my elder son's house, thro Fall to Winter. His house was going thro' a make over - kitchen was demolished and being rebuilt which means cooking without a kitchen. 

Palo Alto has this amazing greenery, tall trees and fall paints the landscape with bright colors of orange, red and yellow in that order over months of sept-oct-nov. Lovely long walks with nature for company - love it. 

My grand daughter all of 3 years is a bundle of pure energy and live demonstration of "Power of Now"  An absolute joy to be with, in these four months I saw that she was growing up so rapidly , absorbing so much from people around her, her vocabulary swelling up with new words each and every day. I learnt a lot about life from this wonderful grand child of mine.

Tall Trees in Palo Alto

Unfortunately this visit to California did not add much sight-seeing except for a visit to beautiful Oakland Zoo unlike my last 4 visits. It was however a time of great awakening within. Lots of very long walks admiring how Americans cherish gigantic trees in their garden and their love for nature. 

Visit to Minneapolis

Snow Covered Landscape - Minneapolis

I went to Minneapolis and spent 20 days from mid Nov with my niece. Every one remarked "Minneapolis?? In this cold weather?" I wanted to experience how our children face the adverse winter conditions. Minneapolis was covered in a thick blanket of pure white snow which fascinated me. The leafless trees were etched dark against a white back ground and the whole scenery was a picture painted by God himself. The landscape in "White-Grey-Black" is a artists delight The temperature was minus 20 type with a chill wind adding to it. I went for walks covered in several layers from head to foot which made my neck movements impossible. I even lost my way in that endless stretch of snow It is also a difficult life of so much time spent indoors especially if one had small children full of energy. This is an unforgettable experience in my life

Visit to Philadelphia

Market Street Philadelphia

I spent a month with my other son at Philadelphia. He lives on 6th floor in Market Street which is a hub of intense activity - The road itself is extremely busy with tall buildings on either side of the road and the imposing City Hall at one end. The area is down town Philly humming with life. The river Schuylkill flows close by and offers some spectacular views and walks of the city. 

Philly has so much to offer to a visitor - it is historic and buildings all reflect this feeling as being a part of history. Again the chill weather bordering on 0 deg F and a wind of 30 mph restricted free movements. Philadelphia has these numerous huge hand painted wall murals all over the city as we drive here and there. It is also called the "City of Brotherly Love" - Philadelphia left a very pleasant warm feeling.   

      

Evening Walk along Schuylkill river                      

Visit to New York

A day's drive to New York was the high point of this US Visit. How can one not be touched by WTC memorial? I felt a deep sense of loss standing there and reading names of people who had died.  Why is mankind so cruel to their own kind? How can we ever justify even a single killing? What is the use of this superior intelligence that we have that puts us right on top of the living organisms and we use it to create such wonders and also inflict such miseries? 

WTC Memorial, New York

Central Park covered in snow was a pure joy as also the vibrant high energy Times Square. New York Visit left a permanent sense of admiration for this great country called America

Path to Self Realization

Living for almost 6 months with my sons and their families took me a step closer to self realization Human relationships are complex and constantly evolving. Priorities change with age. A visiting Indian parent to USA experiences a very different life style and value systems. 

Life should be filled with beauty, peace and tranquility. Where ever I am I seek these aspects in my life.

Back Home

As in all my previous trips, I look forward to going back to my country, my home and my people.  Of course one cannot but miss the beauty of this great country called USA. Every visit enriched me in many ways and added like some 10000 photos to my collection. 

Home in Nigdi, Pune