Tuesday, March 29, 2022

Beautiful Moments of USA Visit 2022

Magnificent Magnolias


Slowly the winter's stark scene was changing and many trees and plants were sprouting hundreds and hundreds of buds. The magnolia trees here and there were slowly getting covered with fragrant flowers pink on outside and white on inside 

Feb 27th 2022 - One fine day in my regular visit to Elizabeth Gamble garden near by , I came upon this "Oh_My_GOD SUCH MAGNIFICENCE !!" moment. The  Magnolia tree was completely covered with huge fragrant magnolia flowers - the moment was indescribably beautiful -  like Wordsworth's daffodil poem. The air was filled with heavenly fragrance and beauty - hundreds of lovely magnolia flowers gently swayed in the breeze from the top of the tree to lower most branches -one could reach out, hold, smell, gaze in amazement. My heart filled with pure joy . The sight of the magnolia tree in full bloom will forever bring freshness into the rest of my life . Such precious blessings nature bestows upon us - we humans must open ourselves to the bountiful nature





   









Change of season - Spring is here - Joy of colors, fragrance


Tulips in every color



These beautiful delicate pink flowers bloomed on roadside everywhere



The sprawling mustard field - Cousin's Children house visit



Lots of colorful huge Camellia flowers bloom in Winter - From our garden




Pretty Daisies dance in the breeze on roadsides, compounds and everywhere




Fragrant white Jasmine flowers-  fences , roadsides


Thick bushes of Blue flowers in abundance on a short tree

Cherry blossom trees burst into full bloom in compounds 





Daffodils in yellow, white and multicolors appear everywhere









Living in God's Presence 

Visiting USA in Winter  2021 - The COVID 19 Crisis, Misery and Enlightenment after effects


Sweetest Delicious Fleshy juicy Persimmon in our garden




 

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Empathy




Recently I came across a YouTube  video where the presenter said some people totally lack empathy. That shocked and surprised me - like How was that ever possible?

That set me thinking "What exactly is EMPATHY? "

Empathy is to feel what the other person is feeling

- like is a child is physically hurt and is in pain, I feel that pain , I suffer, I cry

- like if two people are in a conversation / fight / bitter exchange of words and if one says something that hurts the other person - and if the person who said these words in the first place has empathy, then he/she senses the pain he/she caused to the other person and feels the pain - This results in spontaneous apology and the empathetic person will never repeat such episodes.

- like when we hear horror stories of rape, war, violence , murder we feel the pain of the people involved and their loved ones

- moved to tears by other's misery and pain

These are examples of empathy causing us the same pain and hurt virtually .

Can empathy also cause joy and happiness?

It is empathy that makes me happy when people with whom I relate are happy, laugh when they laugh , feel love and loved when some one expresses that their  love for me. 

Now on the opposite side of this spectrum is a non-empathetic person.
- They hurt the hurt
- inflict misery and pain on the weak and vulnerable especially on children,
- cause misery in others as a habit and do not feel the pain at all - will never apologize and will repeat such incidents knowing very well the pain they infliced.

It is like this person has a shield around the brain that protects them from feeling empathetic.  Such are rapists of kids, murderers and generally unhappy negative narcissistic people. 

Truly Empathy is a gift of being a fine human. Empathetic people are joyous and spread happiness around.

Non-empathetic people add to the misery of the world. The true human nature is to feel empathy. By some twist of fate and life's circumstances the non-empathetic person transformed himself/herself and became this unnatural unhappy personality. Can this be reversed? Yes if the person wills it and works on himself/herself. It is just a matter of returning back to your true self . 

Empathy is common collective consciousness - we feel for each other. This is what sets us apart and at the top of the living world . 


My Oh-so-empathetic parents.  Thank you Dad for showing me the path 

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Importance of Being Nice

Need to be 100% nice

"It is nice to be important 
but
more important to be nice"  

 I am in Philadelphia, the most ( of the 3 to 4 cities I have visited and experienced living )  amazing city in USA . I come across American parents all the time telling their children "That is not being nice" or "That is mean" , or "Say sorry - you were mean" . Even dogs are told to behave !! Like if a dog as much as growls at a stranger the owner reprimands "That is rude - we don't like being rude. Do we?" and I as an Indian used to dogs barking at me for no reason - am surprised and amused - Dogs being nice to strangers?? Never heard of that !!




Like here in America I come across so many strangers being so nice to me - a smile, a helping hand , a warm kind word - ALWAYS !!  And it feels so good , so connected to other human beings. So most of us are really nice to strangers, to our friends, relatives etc.. We go out of our way to clean up the house, cook the best food, welcome our friends and relatives with warmth, make them feel welcome and talk pleasantly with them. Totally "being Nice"

Home as hell
I am coming across this issue of being nice and not being nice as a spoiler for sustaining most important relationships in life. But what I experience is adult human beings don't implement "Being nice concept" in their real life appropriately.

But what happens inside a home? with people with whom we live? Aging parents? Small kids? There is so much of "Not being nice" to the people we love most in our lives like hot verbal exchanges between husband , wife, children , in-laws, mother, father, grandparents, brothers, sisters etc.

Small Kids are the most vulnerable and most abused lot verbally. Parents do not consider " Being Nice " is important to kids 100 % of the time. Discipline at the cost of self-worth - does it have any meaning?  Aging parents are most certainly "Not nice" recipients. Grown men and women do not consider being nice to aging parents , grandparents is important - they can be as rude as they wish and hurt them at the drop of a hat !!

But in the presence of visitors at home, grown men and women put in a great show of "Being Nice" to other members of the family. How confused a kid gets seeing such see-saw behavior of "being Nice - Being not nice" constantly  by the adults around?

I come across so much of "not being nice" - it is like this adult person does not think it is necessary or important to be nice to this other person who really matters so much to him or her in life. When we can be so nice to people who really do not matter to us why is it not easy to be nice to people who really matter the most? I am puzzled. This not being nice is reciprocated in full by the other person who also considers being nice is not at all important to some one who is not so nice in the first place.

The silent sufferer
Often a person who is habitually being nice silently suffers loss of self-respect and self-worth when the other person in the relationship is "not-being-nice" most of the time . What should be an endearing conversation between two adults enforcing mutual faith, love and trust turns into a verbal battle and shatters the peace and harmony of coexistence.

Come on - Move it 
I often heard this spoken in most derogatory terms by one person to the other to prove one's control over the other. It is the worst not-being-nice utterance.

Being Nice is the cement that holds relationships
So one can see how relationships which are the foundation of our very existence is only held and cemented by being nice to people who matter to us . Why would we be not nice? Why can't we be nice to some one we love so much? It is such a simple solution to living in peace and harmony.

What starts as being not nice soon turns to big fights, bitterness, quarrels, references to all past "being not nice episodes" etc etc leading to a complete breakdown of that relationship - most often divorces over most trivial reasons - all round pain - totally avoidable just by being "Genuinely nice to people who matter to us in our life"  Simple - just be sincerely nice to people .

OMG - I am nicely enlightened

Just for a day let me be nice to everyone 100% of the time  

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Human Relationships

Relationships - Inter human links 




Deepest Satisfying link with my son 












Two most beautiful people - My parents






























Thank you ma for giving me an opportunity to be a good daughter and a good human being by serving you in the final part of your journey on this earth. Thank you for making me the person I truly am.  

Relationship - the buzzword applicable only to human beings
We humans stand apart from all other living beings in several aspects - the ability to talk, communicate effectively because of our highly developed linguistic expressions. We have built our super brain with several capabilities over generations of usage. Our fine-tuned emotions makes us feel happy, sad, hurt, loved etc..  

We link with other human beings ( and some animals too ) via this abstract terminology called relationship. It is a complex concept. 

In the data base world, the technology is called RDBMS - Relational data base management system. All relevant data are grouped together in logical units called tables and all tables bear some form of relationship to each other. Once meaningful relationships link the different tables, then meaningful information can be extracted and mined from the vast available data. 

Natural positive relationships
Genetic links:
We have natural positive relationships with all those with whom we have genetic links like father, mother, siblings, son, daughter , cousins, uncles , aunts, grand parents , grand children etc. A positive relationship is one of mutual love, respect, trust. It enriches both the humans in the link. One has a sense of joy and deep satisfaction when one comes in physical presence of such people.     

Relationships that develop due to regularly spending long hours together:
Another set of links we forge is with people with whom we spend long hours of duration each day for many years like school. college, work etc. The relationships may or may not be very strong and positive.  Some develop friendships that last a life time. Some links are so weak that they vanish over time. Sometimes we experience love-hate relationships here - we love and hate the same person at different times and situations especially in professional relationships.

Relationships due to Marriage:
 Another set of link is the relationship we as humans attract due to a legal system of our society called Marriage - we call them "in-laws" like mother-in-law, daughter-in-law,  brother-in-law , husband , wife etc. Then we have many extended families due to the same system. At the heart of this system is the Family to which every human belongs. It is sad if a human does not belong to any particular family. A family is the birth place of harmonious relationships between a man, a woman and their children. This root then spans several branch relationships.  

Random relationships:
Fascinating and extremely common is the fleeting happy relationship we establish with random humans who cross our random path in our life. A smile, a small exchange of words touches us and lifts our spirits up for that moment or that day or that journey. Sometimes these type of relationship evolve into positive and permanent ones and can be so fulfilling too. A feel-good factor in life. Many god-men and god-women - gurus  are blessed with unconditional non-judgmental love for all humans . That is the reason they tower over  other humans like a tall monument. 

Developing and Sustaining relationships
When a relationship is based on exchange of material objects and services , the relationship usually withers away with passage of time - like we give gifts, they give gifts, we do some favor, they do some favor etc. . This is very often true with so called acquaintances  in various stages of life. One can hardly recall all the people who attended one's wedding and gave gifts . Out of 200 to 300 who attended and expressed such wonderful wishes with gifts , only a handful are associated with our life for more than 10 years. A wedding thus turns into a social gimmick. Most of the so-called family functions turn out to be social gimmicks too .

Face-to-face Relationship - a fading, dying link
A face-to-face relationship is generally a fading or dying link between two humans - this means both the humans react with each other only when they come face to face physically . It is sad if only this type of interaction  exists between a parent-child with passing of years. There is total lack of meaningful communication.  Often one person in this weak link is just using the other human to extend some service to him/her like a son meets his parent face to face to resolve property issue mostly to claim his dues.    

Parent-child relationship - permanent? 
A parent-child relationship seems like permanent but it may not be so . The child who grows up to be a man or a woman often chooses to walk away from the relationship of his/her free will . A parent often has to "Let Go" . A single parent who brings up children single handed often faces the "Empty Nest Syndrome"   - the birds have flown away!!

But if nurtured and cherished constantly, a parent-child relationship is the deepest fulfilling inter-human link. Especially with aging parents, a lot of responsibility and sacrifices are involved and most of the humans shun away from that and do not want to invest time and energy in this dying link. Serving my mother and taking care of her needs (she is 92 years old and afflicted with Parkinson's syndrome for more than last 20 years)  I can vouch is the most satisfying  part of my life.   

So even natural relationships like parent-child need to be cherished and looked after  by both with passing years. 

Sustaining any relationship is the tough part. It requires both the sides to make constant and consistent effort to bring positive vibes. It requires mutual respect and trust.  Sharing with generosity and caring for feelings is the underlying foundation. 

One-sided relationships - True love?? 
A one sided relationship is a non-existent one. One cannot say "Oh I love him/her so much - it does not matter how he/she feels about me" There is no relationship here. Often men and women are caught in this type of  complex one sided affairs and making one self miserable day-in and day-out. Just walk away and forget - there is no love here, only hurts and totally not worth one's life. It is the saddest decision when youngsters decide to take one's life and commit suicide due to this kind of a non-existent one sided relationships.    

Dominating and Abusive relationships have no hope 
Often in life one is unfortunate to be associated with an abusive relationship where one person constantly feels the need to establish absolute control over the other human. Why some humans become like that is really puzzling . Why did Hitler feel the way he felt and brought so much misery to countless humans?

The wonderful human brain can be so well trained for peace, love, harmony and generosity. Relationships are all about sharing, caring, respect and trust. 

There is no need to tolerate such avoidable misery . Life is too short, too fleeting, too sweet to waste waking up to days of slavery, abuses and misery, Such harmful negative relationships should be nipped in the bud and thrown out of our life forever. Usually there is no hope in this inter-human link. The same abusive person may have very respectful loving relationships with other humans. A relationship based on fear and guilt is a non-existent one. Better to leave that path and chooses one's own path of harmonious links with humans who love , respect, trust and care.  

An abusive relationship is commonly seen in drug-addicts, alcoholics, boss-worker, mother-in-law - daughter-in-law , people in powerful positions in society , step-parent - step-child . It is just a form of constant victimizing of one human being by another. One must be courageous and strong to severe such relationships and move on.

How do you want to wake up today? 
At the bottom line is how you want to wake up each day? Do you want to feel thrilled to welcome another lovely day , meet and interact with people who love and respect you, and value your relationship with them? Or waste another day in misery being a victim of abuses? Are you going to sleep with a prayer of immense gratitude for all the lovely people and their relationships in your life or an uneasy head and heart full of pain wishing for a better tomorrow? The choice is in our hands.


Healthy relationship = Mutual Respect and Trust 

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Beautiful floral scenes - Palo Alto Spring 2017


I was fortunate to witness such lovely floral blossoms fill the landscape in this pretty neighborhood.  My eyes and camera captured the lovely scenes. It was as if the great artist NATURE was displaying her paintings , splashed with rich colors , a different one each day each place .   How fulfilling it feels to be a part of this grand exhibition !!