Relationships - Inter human links
Deepest Satisfying link with my son
Two most beautiful people - My parents
Thank you ma for giving me an opportunity to be a good daughter and a good human being by serving you in the final part of your journey on this earth. Thank you for making me the person I truly am.
Relationship - the buzzword applicable only to human beings
We humans stand apart from all other living beings in several aspects - the ability to talk, communicate effectively because of our highly developed linguistic expressions. We have built our super brain with several capabilities over generations of usage. Our fine-tuned emotions makes us feel happy, sad, hurt, loved etc..
We link with other human beings ( and some animals too ) via this abstract terminology called relationship. It is a complex concept.
In the data base world, the technology is called RDBMS - Relational data base management system. All relevant data are grouped together in logical units called tables and all tables bear some form of relationship to each other. Once meaningful relationships link the different tables, then meaningful information can be extracted and mined from the vast available data.
Natural positive relationships
Genetic links:
We have natural positive relationships with all those with whom we have genetic links like father, mother, siblings, son, daughter , cousins, uncles , aunts, grand parents , grand children etc. A positive relationship is one of mutual love, respect, trust. It enriches both the humans in the link. One has a sense of joy and deep satisfaction when one comes in physical presence of such people.
Relationships that develop due to regularly spending long hours together:
Another set of links we forge is with people with whom we spend long hours of duration each day for many years like school. college, work etc. The relationships may or may not be very strong and positive. Some develop friendships that last a life time. Some links are so weak that they vanish over time. Sometimes we experience love-hate relationships here - we love and hate the same person at different times and situations especially in professional relationships.
Relationships due to Marriage:
Another set of link is the relationship we as humans attract due to a legal system of our society called Marriage - we call them "in-laws" like mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law , husband , wife etc. Then we have many extended families due to the same system. At the heart of this system is the Family to which every human belongs. It is sad if a human does not belong to any particular family. A family is the birth place of harmonious relationships between a man, a woman and their children. This root then spans several branch relationships.
Random relationships:
Fascinating and extremely common is the fleeting happy relationship we establish with random humans who cross our random path in our life. A smile, a small exchange of words touches us and lifts our spirits up for that moment or that day or that journey. Sometimes these type of relationship evolve into positive and permanent ones and can be so fulfilling too. A feel-good factor in life. Many god-men and god-women - gurus are blessed with unconditional non-judgmental love for all humans . That is the reason they tower over other humans like a tall monument.
Developing and Sustaining relationships
When a relationship is based on exchange of material objects and services , the relationship usually withers away with passage of time - like we give gifts, they give gifts, we do some favor, they do some favor etc. . This is very often true with so called acquaintances in various stages of life. One can hardly recall all the people who attended one's wedding and gave gifts . Out of 200 to 300 who attended and expressed such wonderful wishes with gifts , only a handful are associated with our life for more than 10 years. A wedding thus turns into a social gimmick. Most of the so-called family functions turn out to be social gimmicks too .
Face-to-face Relationship - a fading, dying link
A face-to-face relationship is generally a fading or dying link between two humans - this means both the humans react with each other only when they come face to face physically . It is sad if only this type of interaction exists between a parent-child with passing of years. There is total lack of meaningful communication. Often one person in this weak link is just using the other human to extend some service to him/her like a son meets his parent face to face to resolve property issue mostly to claim his dues.
Parent-child relationship - permanent?
A parent-child relationship seems like permanent but it may not be so . The child who grows up to be a man or a woman often chooses to walk away from the relationship of his/her free will . A parent often has to "Let Go" . A single parent who brings up children single handed often faces the "Empty Nest Syndrome" - the birds have flown away!!
But if nurtured and cherished constantly, a parent-child relationship is the deepest fulfilling inter-human link. Especially with aging parents, a lot of responsibility and sacrifices are involved and most of the humans shun away from that and do not want to invest time and energy in this dying link. Serving my mother and taking care of her needs (she is 92 years old and afflicted with Parkinson's syndrome for more than last 20 years) I can vouch is the most satisfying part of my life.
So even natural relationships like parent-child need to be cherished and looked after by both with passing years.
Sustaining any relationship is the tough part. It requires both the sides to make constant and consistent effort to bring positive vibes. It requires mutual respect and trust. Sharing with generosity and caring for feelings is the underlying foundation.
One-sided relationships - True love??
A one sided relationship is a non-existent one. One cannot say "Oh I love him/her so much - it does not matter how he/she feels about me" There is no relationship here. Often men and women are caught in this type of complex one sided affairs and making one self miserable day-in and day-out. Just walk away and forget - there is no love here, only hurts and totally not worth one's life. It is the saddest decision when youngsters decide to take one's life and commit suicide due to this kind of a non-existent one sided relationships.
Dominating and Abusive relationships have no hope
Often in life one is unfortunate to be associated with an abusive relationship where one person constantly feels the need to establish absolute control over the other human. Why some humans become like that is really puzzling . Why did Hitler feel the way he felt and brought so much misery to countless humans?
The wonderful human brain can be so well trained for peace, love, harmony and generosity. Relationships are all about sharing, caring, respect and trust.
There is no need to tolerate such avoidable misery . Life is too short, too fleeting, too sweet to waste waking up to days of slavery, abuses and misery, Such harmful negative relationships should be nipped in the bud and thrown out of our life forever. Usually there is no hope in this inter-human link. The same abusive person may have very respectful loving relationships with other humans. A relationship based on fear and guilt is a non-existent one. Better to leave that path and chooses one's own path of harmonious links with humans who love , respect, trust and care.
An abusive relationship is commonly seen in drug-addicts, alcoholics, boss-worker, mother-in-law - daughter-in-law , people in powerful positions in society , step-parent - step-child . It is just a form of constant victimizing of one human being by another. One must be courageous and strong to severe such relationships and move on.
How do you want to wake up today?
At the bottom line is how you want to wake up each day? Do you want to feel thrilled to welcome another lovely day , meet and interact with people who love and respect you, and value your relationship with them? Or waste another day in misery being a victim of abuses? Are you going to sleep with a prayer of immense gratitude for all the lovely people and their relationships in your life or an uneasy head and heart full of pain wishing for a better tomorrow? The choice is in our hands.
Healthy relationship = Mutual Respect and Trust
